One Beautiful Dream and Dreams to Write One Beautiful Thing
I just finished an audiobook recording of a work written by Jennifer Fulwiler, entitled One Beautiful Dream. While I don't have enough thoughts to make this a "deep dive" into the text, there is certainly enough to the book to provide fodder for blog post reflections.
The book itself is well-crafted, with great storytelling, structure, and balance between humor and the cares of daily life. However, these elements alone do not account for my interest in the book. Fulwiler says something near the end of the book that has had me reflecting ever since.
"I wanted to tell stories, to relieve people's burdens," she states in chapter 36, as she ponders how writing came to be such a core part of her life. This statement is at once the succinct explanation for why Jennifer writes, as well as the jumping-off point for a lifetime of creative endeavors. In one sentence, she sums up not just the importance of writing to her, but its necessity.
The Need to Write?
For all my bookish inclinations and pipe dreams of becoming a world-famous author, I have never been the sort of person who "needed" to write. No Anne Shirley am I, feeling like something will shrivel up inside of me and die if words do not flow from my fingers onto a Word document. In college, when I went through a period of trying to be an English major, I realized that my creativity didn't flow into writing the way it seemed to for the other students. I excelled at the precise analysis of sentences tree diagrams and the International Phonetic Alphabet (IPA), but struggled to understand how people wrote - for fun - in the midst of required reading and essays for class. Even now, as I listen to podcasts featuring authors of children's books and their writing process, or read about Tolkien "discovering" parts of his story as he wrote, I feel like I don't fit into any of the author molds that are offered - at least, not by authors of fiction.
And yet, the desire to write something remains. Every month, I delight to think that the 30th or 31st has rolled around, because it means it's time to take stock of my reading for the month. I weigh the positives and negatives of the books I've consumed, and record my thoughts, to reference later for reminders on what to recommend to people, or what to hand the kids I hope to someday have running around my house. There was even a time when I sat down and typed out a first draft of a novel. I haven't felt the need to go through and rework it after getting it out, but there's still something in me that desires to get thoughts or stories out in such a way that I can come back to them again later.
And I enjoy writing, at least in small chunks. I like to see something come together, but appreciate being able to call something "complete" after a small amount of time. In fact, I think I can be quite refreshed by doing a "deep dive" on the blog, and my husband encourages me to make time for it.
And yet, when I tried to tell myself that one Lenten goal was to write a little bit every day, I felt guilty - and it wasn't just because I failed from the very start. I have sensed for a while that this writing is, in fact, a selfish thing. It's something I do because it's fun for me, but not something at the level of a charism, which I'm performing for the sake of the Kingdom of God
The Charism of Writing
A few years ago, my now-husband and I attended a "Called and Gifted" weekend workshop at a nearby parish. These workshops help participants start discerning what specific gifts they have been given by God to help build up the Church, such as hospitality, wisdom, healing, administration, and - amongst many others - writing. Though drawn to the idea of writing, it was not one that struck me as being a charism that I'm likely to have right now. The gist of it is that you might be given gifts primarily in certain areas, but other gifts can be developed or asked for over time. However, these gifts are not gifts just for the person who has them. They're meant to be used in service of others.
My writing has never really been at the service of others. At best, it has been applied to write what I hope were some solid thank-you or birthday cards, an acceptable toast, or, in the case of the first draft, some entertainment and encouragement to other creative folks in my friend circle. At worst, my writing has been something that I do for my own pleasure, refusing to share the product with others, or simply something that is the means to an end (completing a paper to receive a grade). When I write, it's not typically done with the intention to build God's Kingdom.
However, when I heard Fulwiler's words, they put their hooks in me and have been trailing after me ever since. Maybe the reason why I haven't been able to write in a self-donating way is that I haven't figured out the "why" that makes writing a gift for others instead of myself. For Fulwiler, her desire is, indeed, to share stories, but for the purpose of encouraging and lifting others up.
I think this means that it's okay for me to enjoy doing something for myself, but the reason why I should write, if I am so called, is to be a help to others.
Helping to Carry Burdens Through Writing
What does it look like to relieve burdens through writing? It could look like Fulwiler's memoir here, One Beautiful Dream, that shows that it's possible to live a full and crazy and beautiful family life while making time for writing in the context of building up that family. It could be a theological treatise, like St. Ignatius of Loyola's Spiritual Exercises, which can help readers make a retreat and grow closer to God. It could look like poetry, composed over time in various settings, that helps readers observe beauty in created things. It could look like a fantasy novel that is a "comfort read" when life is stressful.
One thing worth noting here is that the writing must be shared if it is to uplift. The work cannot just stay on a hidden blog page for aye and aye, with only the author taking a peek from time to time. If I am to write for something other than a frivolous hobby, I am to share it, whether it be with one person or with hundreds. Another element to ponder is that I don't have to write prolifically to do God's will. I may be called to write only one single draft of a novel, or a single nonfiction book of reflections, or nothing at all. God may be calling me to other duties, even if there is a desire in me to create something beautiful with words someday.
Fulwiler's statement clarified a final thought for me: good writing craft matters because the quality of the writing itself can uplift the reader. Being able to dissect grammar, craft a variety of sentences, structure paragraphs, and use symbolic language sometimes felt like dead-end activities in my literature classes, but now I realize that these elements can be as vital to engaging a reader as exciting plot elements or profound reflections. Writing can sometimes relieve burdens through a beautifully crafted sentence that causes a heart to lift or a mind to turn to God in gratitude.
Fighting Resistance
Earlier in her book, Fulwiler discusses the idea of "resistance," which she came across in a book entitled The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield. This concept means that there is always resistance to creative work - tight schedules, lack of motivation, distractions, and more. Fulwiler took this idea and went even further with it, stating that Satan might resist human creativity because of the good it can do.
I'm don't think this means I'm meant to write books and all my difficulties up to now were the result of outside resistance to my destined work. However, I see now that, if I am ever to find out if God wants me to write, I need to make writing happen. There will always be sirens calling for my attention from every corner, but I will need to tie myself to the mast of this work if anything is to come out of this long-time desire compose something beautiful.
With this in mind, I set a goal for myself now. On the next journey I take, I will make sure to spend time writing for at least five minutes during 10 days. I might miss a day here or there, but I will consult my husband about what I should write about, and go from there. Then, I will share what I've written with friends.
Jennifer Fulwiler, thank you for pursuing God's call to you to write. I have found encouragement to pursue more of the creative life.
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